letter to LHC fellow diet sufferer

Hi Sissy,
I am so sorry you are having so many problems with your weight and believe me, I truely understand the frustrations. I weigh 280lbs and at 53 it's not just the looks (although of course I want to look much better) but now it's my health that is breaking down.

That's a good idea for us to take this to pm's because all this is personal and other people who don't have this problem don't need to know. I just briefly checked out your eating plan and to me it's kinda like the Slimfast programme I signed up for (but I buy the products). I was all happy and wanted to make a difference in my weight in the New Year's and after a few days I had fallen by the wayside and went back to my emotional eating. Of course I hated myself and chewed myself out for having no will power and asked myself why do I continue to do this to myself you know: guilt, guilt and more guilt,lol

Just like you say, knowing all about why you eat as you eat in your professional life doesn't have any effect. Out of all the weight loss programmes and diets and just plain doing without, plus belonging to many weight loss support forums none of this makes a difference when it comes down to feeling miserable and going thru the house looking for something "good to eat."

I would be much more fatter than I am now if I wasn't so lazy ie I won't go in the kitchen and make myself muffins and cake or anything else so at least I save calories that way. I am also too lazy to get in my car and go into a shop and get my goodies. I will pay my daughter good money to stop and get me food and listen to her bitch me out about it. Now how lazy is all that. I will stop along the way from work at a coffee shop in the take out lane to get goodies but then I have to hide them so DH doesn't see them and bitch me out (thus making me want to eat even more, (cutting off my nose to spite my face.)

If I have to stop for gas I will get some pastry, hide it and later afte everyone is asleep, bring it out, eat it and afterwards beat myself up about it.

Does it seem to you that there is two people, one who wants to be a good healthy weight, be able to buy nice small sizes in the cute clothes we can't fit in now and so forth, and then this little evil demon who sits around and says, "but it will take months and months and months to get to a decent weight, have a slice of cake or pie now and tomorrow you can go back on your diet."

You know I have a brand-new recumbant bike sitting right here in the living room, so what's stopping me from getting up off the recliner and doing something to help myself.

I guess what we are both trying to say is, what is stopping us from doing what we have to do. I can look ahead and visualise myself as thin, wearing the kind of clothes I want to wear, and feeling human again so why can't I reach for the brass ring???? Why am I such an obstacle to myself???

Sissy if there is any way you can get your weight down now I hope you can do it because when you get to my age, you get high blood pressure, osteoartheritis (which is made worse with extra weight) and feet, knees and legs that don't want to hold you up. Any little thing makes it hard for me to breathe and having asthma makes it worse. As far as I know I don't have diabetes but it's in my family. I also have a fatty liver....so again why is it SO HARD to stick to a diet and lose this weight that is slowly killing me???

Presently, like you, I am trying to lose some weight again. This time using Slimfast bars, healthy food and more fruits and veg and hoping nothing comes in the door that calls my name (pizza, ice cream, cookies and candy etc). I don't even have to buy this stuff. Even tho DH bitches me out for my weight, he cooks delicious meals that are heavy and fat-laden (southern-style cooking) and brings me treats and I have told him not to do this, and to keep the ice cream out of the house.

Anyway I also have a function to attend as you do, and I don't want to show up looking like this. As you have seen by my profile I originally come from Bermuda and of course the heat and humidity will kill me at this size and also, like you, I don't want anybody I know down there to see how much I have let myself go. In October my brother and his wife celebrate their 25th wa and are having a big party. I havn't been home since before 9-11 and so I have to make this effort, can't wait until the last minute.

Maybe we can set goals and write each other for support esp. in the light of getting ready for these family functions

Take care and thanks for your nice long letter and know that you are not alone at all and we have to beat this problem for once and for all right?????
Linda xxxxx